Do you look forward to and dread the holiday season at the same time? The holiday season can be even trickier when you are a part of a family farm. Farmers are often juggling the end of crop harvest, year-end financial decisions and changing weather as we step into the full swing of the holiday season. A family farm blends home and workplace, creating a mix of family ties and work duties. Finishing the harvest and completing the daily farm chores are as important as spending time with loved ones. It is unrealistic to keep the farm talk and farm work completely out of the family celebrations, but with planning and clear communications, you can make it through the holidays and lighten the holiday stress. Here are some ideas that address some of the more common family farm – holiday dilemmas.

Make decisions about attending and hosting events that are suited to your needs on the farm and your mental energy.

So many holiday gatherings! You may have multiple invitations from grandparents and other extended family that expect you to be at their gatherings – and they are all at the exact same time! Or maybe you are expected to host because you now live in the family home where everyone grew up and celebrated the holidays. Hosting brings its own set of responsibilities and expectations to navigate.

• As a family, decide what you can do – this can be based on all kinds of factors, like distance to the gathering and the closeness you feel to that side of the family. You and your immediate family need to be realistic about the physical and emotional energy you have and treat it like a financial budget. If you spend it all in one place, there’s nothing left for other activities. 
• Communicate your plans to others. While you don’t have to justify your holiday plan decisions, you need to communicate them with those who may assume you’ll be at their table!
• Consider visits around the holiday and not ON the holiday. Getting away from the farm is hard, visiting outside of the holiday periods may conserve your emotional energy and you can have Grandma Clara all to yourself!
• Determine hosting expectations for yourself. If you are hosting, have a conversation with your immediate family about when to host and how long the gathering will be, so that you can communicate clear expectations of when everyone should arrive and leave. You can remind your guests that the gathering will be planned around farm chores and if they stay longer, they might get roped into helping!

The farm work must still be done! 

Developing a schedule, while important any time of the year, can be especially helpful around the holidays. Your management team may want to give employees extra time around the holidays. And you all have your own family gatherings and holiday events to attend. Scheduling requires clear communication around everyone’s needs and expectations – and making sure there is balance between the two. 

• Identify the critical farm tasks that must be done around the holidays, such as livestock care. There may be tasks that can be postponed and others that are necessary….and deciding as group what falls in each category can reduce conflict. 
• Share your holiday plans with the team. This may seem intrusive to some – why should they know my personal plans? But if it means you’re away from the farm for an extended period or changes your ability to complete your responsibilities, you must share it. 
• Develop a holiday work schedule as a farm management team. Even if this is usually one manager’s responsibility, take the time to help that person make the decisions and develop a plan to share with family and employees. 

It can be challenging when farm talk creeps into the holiday conversation and then dominates it. 

It could be that non-farm family members want an update on the farm business. Depending on the relationship, the question “How are things going on the farm?” can feel like they are asking with genuine interest and concern. Or it can feel like a pointed questioning of your management abilities. It can also be awkward if there are several family members managing the farm, and a thought-to-be-neutral question immediately changes the temperature and mood of the room because they don’t agree on that topic. The on-farm members may be the reason farm talk creeps in. A question of “Hey, did you remember to [insert farm task here] today?”  gives the signal that an operational meeting is underway.

• As a management team, decide how you want to address farm business questions from other family members. 
• Be proactive and send an agreed upon update to those who need to know by email or text. And ask non-farm members to refrain from asking business questions when you’re all trying to relax and enjoy the family time together.
• Depending on their involvement in ownership or eventual ownership, you might consider inviting these family members to a farm business meeting – where it is an appropriate time to ask business questions. Virtual meeting options allow their inclusion even if they live states away.
• Have a farm meeting a day or two prior to the gathering to revisit your priority task list you developed (see the previous dilemma) so you aren’t tempted to take advantage of everyone being in the same room and hold an impromptu meeting. 
• Have a strategy on how to redirect the conversation if farm talk comes up at the holiday gathering. You can make it fun. Make a “Farm Talk” jar and anyone who brings up the farm puts a dollar into the jar. Donate the money to a favorite family charity. You may realize that the on-farm family members are coughing up more money than the non-farm members.

Strategies for when you just aren’t all that jazzed about the holidays. 

You feel like the Grinch while everyone else acts like Will Ferrell in the movie Elf. Sometimes holidays are not the most wonderful time of the year. You may have childhood memories of holiday drama, you may be experiencing grief from the loss of a loved one, or you may feel winter depression setting in. You may love your family and recognize that working with them daily is enough interaction for you. Whatever the reason, if you aren’t feeling the holiday cheer, please know that you’re not the only one who feels this way. 

• Identify why you aren’t feeling the holiday cheer. This can help you manage the things that make it worse and set boundaries.
• Ask for support. Support looks different for each of us. Your family might be your support if you share your feelings and the triggers behind them. Or your family may be one of your triggers. If that’s the case, find support from trusted friends. You can always find support through the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection’s Farmer Wellness Program. Call the 24/7 Wisconsin Farmer Wellness Helpline (888) 901-2558 to talk with someone about how you’re feeling. It is free, confidential and provides immediate support any day, any time. Helpline representatives can also make referrals to Farmer Wellness Tele-Counseling Sessions or the Counseling Voucher Program for on-going, long-term support. ​
• Accept how you feel. Let go of the pressure of how we should feel.
• Set boundaries to help you cope with those “should feel” things. Limiting your time at holiday gatherings may be the best way to address your stress around the holidays. 
• Don’t let your mood affect all your relationships. Connect with those friends and family who fill your energy cup. Find traditions that feel right for your immediate family or start your own unique way to celebrate the holiday with chosen family or friends.  One local farming community gathers in a heated shed and asks everyone to bring their favorite frozen pizza to cook up and share.  Holidays can be simple and time with people is a form of self-care.

We all know the best-laid holiday planning and scheduling can be thwarted by anything farm- related. For my family, it was the dreaded “Cows are out!!” right before leaving for our aunt’s house. While getting the cows back in would delay us – most of the time we’d discover a gate left open rather than a fence needing repair (and that’s a whole other article on the stress of being the one who left the gate open!) – we know that other things can come up that cause bigger disruptions of plans. It can be hard for family members who didn’t grow up on a farm to understand that these emergencies may take priority over the holiday gathering. Acknowledge their disappointment and help them understand that these things are part of living on a farm. Part of building our resiliency muscles is to remain flexible and adaptable when it is necessary to change our plans. 

As we face the unique challenges of blending family, work, and farming during the holidays, thoughtful planning, effective communication, and a resilient spirit are our best tools. While the scenarios presented may not mirror your own, the strategies offered are versatile and can help you navigate the complex balance of farm life and holiday celebrations. Remember, these holidays are just another day on the calendar, and with a strategic approach, you can savor the joys of the season without compromising the responsibilities that come with farming.